


hello hello this is romeo

by madfatty



Category: My Mad Fat Diary
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-24
Updated: 2015-06-24
Packaged: 2018-04-05 23:13:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,555
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4198671
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/madfatty/pseuds/madfatty
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He's been staring at the phone for three days straight, willing it to ring.</p>
            </blockquote>





	hello hello this is romeo

**Author's Note:**

> how-ardently thought the post-break-up phone call about returning her stuff was inside my wheelhouse. I thought she had a point.
> 
> Title borrowed from Melissa Etheridge's No Souvenirs.

He’s been staring at the phone for three days straight, willing it to ring. His dad has learned to be silent as he replaces the cold, untouched mugs of tea with hot fresh ones at regular intervals. He squeezes Finn’s shoulder sympathetically, drops a brief kiss to the top of Finn’s head but he doesn’t say anything. There’s no point. When it gets late, when he thinks she’ll think it’s too late to call, he goes to his room to lie in the dark and stare at the ceiling and think of all the things he should have said. He wishes the silence would fill his head the way it fills the room. The turntable sits abandoned since it happened. There is no music left to him that doesn’t reek of her; besides, he needs to listen for the phone.

He really thought she’d call. When she’d had some time to think about it, when she’d realised that she’d been wrong and that they are so far beyond being friends, that being friends would never be enough. He knows there are things about her that he doesn’t understand yet, but he wants to, and once she’s had time to think, to calm down, she’ll call him and tell him she’s sorry and could he please forget everything she’d said because she was just having a bad day. Because it’s not the first time that he’s gone three days without seeing her, without talking to her. 

He feels bad when he realises; it’s been a long time since he was anyone’s boyfriend and he’d kind of forgotten how much time it takes up. That you need to check in. Chloe lets him know in no uncertain terms about how badly he’s failing in his duties and obligations as a boyfriend when he makes an off-hand remark about how weird it is they never see Izzy without Chop now and vice versa. It’s been a hectic start to the school year; football trials and homework and all while trying to muster the enthusiasm just to show up at college. His dad’s been off the road for a bit and he’s been spending time with him too. It’s only been a little while since they’d lost Nan and they’re both feeling fragile. Not that he’d admit out loud to needing to be with his dad, but it’s true. There’s no one else who knows what the ache of her absence feels like.

So he sort of didn’t notice that he hadn’t seen Rae until his skin began to itch with the want of touching her, his senses overwhelmed with missing her. He’s almost used to this sick, anxious gnawing feeling in his gut, the jittery, fluttering in his chest. He’s almost beginning to think that that’s what love feels like.

He’d stood on her front doorstep, his heart on his sleeve and an apology on his lips; even then he could tell she wanted to be angry with him for a little while longer. He couldn’t really blame her but eventually she came around. She always comes ‘round. Always. Just, in her own time. He lives on Rae-time now.

She still hasn’t called and the longer he doesn’t hear from her, the more worried he gets that it wasn’t just a bad day. That this isn’t just temporary.

Archie comes around after Finn hangs up on him for the third time – he needs to keep the line free – and once Finn is sure that Archie hasn’t seen her, hasn’t spoken to her, doesn’t know why she did what she did, Finn sends him away to find out.

Izzy didn’t know anything either, but he let her in anyway when she came around to see how he was; he can never say no to Izzy. They spend the afternoon sitting on his bed, her tiny hands wrapped around him, her delicate fingers smoothing over the length of the pale blue veins in his arm. He slides down so he can lay his head on her shoulder and she presses her lips to his forehead, all the time reassuring him that it’ll work itself out. He’s her Finny and anyone who knows him, loves him and can’t stay away from him for too long.

He’s going crazy without her. He’s craving her voice and longing for the smell of her hair. Needs her warm and solid against him. God, he needs to see her. If he could see her, he could convince her that she’s wrong. That they make sense together and that whatever he’s done; he’ll fix it. He’ll promise to never do it again, whatever it was, if she’ll just take him back.

It takes him all afternoon to call her. 

The unexpected tenderness in Linda’s voice is a knife. It makes him want to curl up in her arms and cry like a baby. He’s only now realising that it’s not just Rae he’s losing. There is something about the Earl women and their rough-edged hearts, their unsentimental, no-nonsense love that had cemented itself so quickly into the hollowed-out parts of him, bound his heart in a vice until he felt every breath from his lungs brush against his ribcage. It felt right. He felt safe.

It takes a long time for her to come to the phone. He can hear them hissing at each other like cats, Linda’s voice harsh as she whispers, “Just answer the phone, Rachel. Talk to the poor boy. Don’t be so bloody cruel.”

“‘lo?”

The air leaves his lungs. 

For almost as long as he can remember, there has been a little voice inside his head. For a little while, just after his mum left, it was the loudest thing – the only thing – he could hear. Luckily, his dad and his Nan and Archie all seemed to figure it out and they got louder than the little voice until it was mostly gone. The music always helped too. It never fully went away though. When he first realised what it was he felt for Rae the little voice got louder 

 

_\- She’s smart, she’s funny, she’s beautiful and kind and brave and perfect; why would she want you? Just because you’re pretty? Because you like the same music? You’re dull and boring and stupid and mopey all the time. Archie’s smart and funny and kind he’s got great taste in music and he’s pretty too. She picked him first remember. She didn’t even see you. She couldn’t see past Archie –_

 

but he had never wanted anything more and by some miracle she seemed to choose him too, even though every day he’s frightened she will find out that he is nothing and that she is wasting her time.

He hears her say ‘hello’ again and pushes all that back down, tries to calm the pounding of his heart. He swallows thickly before summoning the strength to form her name.

“Rae,” he sighs; a plea, a prayer, a penance. His throat constricts and burns with tears. “How’s, how’s it going?”

“Okay, I s’pose. You?” her voice is small and far away and he longs to feel the breath of it warm his skin. 

“Yeah. Alright,” the weight of the lie sits so heavy on his tongue, he almost can’t get the words out. “Listen Rae…,”

“Finn,” Oh, thank God, he thinks. This is it. She’s sorry. She forgives him. She’s going to say how much she’s missed him, how he needs to come around right this very minute so she can show him how much. He wants hang up on her and fly around to hers so she can tell him to his face.

“If this is about the other night… I… I meant what I said. I… you… you’re lovely Finn, really… so nice and any girl… but I…I just want… I think it’s better if we’re just friends. We’re good as friends.” She leaves space for him to agree but when he doesn’t, can’t _\- can’t breathe, can’t think, can’t cope -_ she carries on, using words like easier and simpler and less complicated but all he hears is how she doesn’t want him.

He almost drops the phone. He drops to the floor. He wants to argue with her; tell her she’s wrong, yell and scream until she understands just how wrong she is but he’s reeling and he can’t speak. 

“Finn? Are you there?”

His red, raw heart shifts inside his chest, tightens to a tiny ball and waits for the protective wall she smashed down not long ago to rebuild itself. He has been here before. He will not fall so easily next time.

“Yeah. Yeah. No. I know. It’s just… I’ve still got your Bowie. I uh, I wanted to drop ‘em round to you.” 

“No. Um. No, maybe you could give them to Arch? He can bring them back, it’s no big…”

“NO!” Finn will not have his heart ripped out by proxy. He will not let Archie have his goodbye. "You owe me this Rae."

“Wha…”

“I’ll meet you in the park near yours, in an hour. At the swings.”

“I don’t think…,”

“I’ll see you in an hour,” and he shakily hangs up the phone. He exhales wetly, his hands wiping harshly over his face. The little voice laughs as heads upstairs to his room.


End file.
